Tuesday, December 11, 2007

In 18 years of my life, i have never felt so conflicted, so affected by anybody's words or actions.

Regardless of friendships, relationships, studies, i have never come across to a situation where i am seriously helpless. Binded by my wants, my desires to go for a chance to a higher platform, and my own ethics.

As what I have said earlier, it has been confirmed to be true. The friendster job offer has not been a hoax. As asap as the person told me, he called me at 7pm today when i replied his msg at 1130am. Its a legit offer, and the interview is at MDIS building at eunos at 5pm tmr. How bizarre things turn out to be.

As a normal human being, i ask u to follow along my story and take a stand at your point of view.

You are currently holding a job due to your fren's dad needing a helper with its business relating to maths. The working hours are very flexible and most of the times you can get to choose which are the days you want to work as long as its 3 days a week minimum. A day from 10-5 u get paid $50 and a month u are assured of $800. It is a very normal office job but however, the job itself has quite a demand for photoshop skills in which you are not very good at and trying to pick up one by one by yourself. The environment is very nice initially but however as time goes by, and its always you and the office from 10-5, even during lunch breaks u have to settle it yourself, u get kinda lonely and stuff like that. The editing work is rather stressed by manageable. The office is very cold everyday and u fight the cold alone till u are sorta used to it already.

Then here comes this dubious frenster msg as stated below which sounds too good to be true. However there have been many cases where people have been scamed online and u just believed it with an eye closed. There was no harm in asking about the job scope and requirements as long as i dont disclose any personal particulars over the net. The person just needed my name, age and fone number so as to be able to contact me further. Why not dont you think? But the day when u replied the frenster msg, emphasize FRENSTER MSG, the person called you at 7 to confirm the interview date, which was tmr at 5pm at MDIS building. How could this be possibly true? It was a really good chance being presented to you and you thot it might be stupid to let this go for there might not be a second time. Besides, which job would present such good conditions for post alevel graduates whom are not even confirmed of their results?

But initially how could you have gotten this job so easily? It was because your fren's dad thot you were his son's fren and was flexible with it. There was a mutual agreement that you are satisfied with $800 dollars a month. The only reason why you didnt sign a contract to bind you to his temp job was becos you were his son's fren, and towards such an extent was unneeded in terms of human relations.

There shld be no excuse as to even why there an intention of leaving after agreeing. It was similar to backstabbing. Similarly, my boss could have found someone in the meantime which would accept 40 dollars a day but still be able to produce the same workrate, and kick me out like what i am doing to him. Its just like u are telling your girlfriend that u are going for a blind date and taking chances with whatever you might have. It all comes about the idea of basic ethics, principles, and basic human relations.

However, such an offer would seem too good to resist. Would any normal human with a rational thinking ever gave it a second thought? It was just an interview, and there is always a chance of not getting it becos so many people are fighting for the same post. But if it was you, would you have given it a shot? Even if you were talking on superficial terms, a pay that is at least double of your weekly pay, would you be least tempted?

2 different perspectives. One selfish person with his own personal gains. One nice boss with his own principles and ethics to stand by. One good friend whom was innocently drawn into the line and put into a spot. One lesson to grow with me till the end of my life. One experience to reflect on.

I am such a failure. Not being able to handle such situations. So helpless sumtimes.

While walking i thot maybe thats why people commit suicide. Estranged by the matters of the heart and moral issues. Fuck this life. I simply realise thats just the beginning. I am going to step into society really soon. This is just a sneak preview. More to come, more to cry over, more to endure sleepless nights.

I always thot i didnt have much to look forward in my life.

Till i remembered i still have my friends.
I cant give up or they will be disappointed with me as well.

Like how my boss was disappointed with my moral ethics.
How disappointed i was to say i didnt have a man's honour to keep to my fair share of agreement.

"its okay i wont mind u leaving, but u know i believe this kind of thing, it goes but it will come back to you again. Your employee next time will do the same thing to you too..."

What if my friends did the same thing to me? How wld i feel....

The worst day of my life. I just died.

{/11:55 PM}

Time's up.