Flu virus has been spreading thruout the whole compound of SAJC. I got it from rachel ong( the most likely source, since she was sneezing and blowing her tissue like an elephant nxt to me in an air-conditioned library) and i am so suffering. I dont really fall sick that easily and when i do, it really tires and burdens me out the whole day. Luckily cheerleading was not as exhaustive as i thot it wld be. Miss Hon said it was good and we only need to snip away the loose ends to make it perfect. Considering a new cca and we only trained for two months, i must say everyone has worked hard and put in effort into the performance and we will be tasting our success this thurs. Glen (TEOH) is super good at his dance can, i want to lick his sweat. : ) okie that was gross i admit but its all for funs sake rite, i mean hu really takes my words seriously? You?

I was already quite dejected the whole day considering my mood was spoiled my flu and i could hardly concentrate. But edwin brightened up my day when i saw my fone that he says he misses me! haha i am so damn touched. Then what happened in cheerleading today that siying asked if i wld ever crack up one day really bothered me.

Anyway, back to the point. After edwin and marcus and the guys left after 1st 3 mths, i felt something was missing in my life for once. I just didnt know till recently while i was tossing and turning in bed. For the first time in my life, i dont have a true GUY buddy to die for by my side in school. In montfort i had danny(not any more though), yi hong, clement, 6G buds, catholic high i had wilson, TKY, jeff, marc, bryan, ben, luvis, npcc mates, 1st 3 mths i have edwin, robin, alwin, and even marc. Now, i have none. Even though u might argue that i have my science fac frens, they are more high and bye frens in the sense. I just didnt have pplr hu have the common interests to bitch and share my joy and sorrows with wifout care and concern. Sometimes if u really didnt notice, the words that are often spoken to me are "uncensored". They just pierce right into your heart mercilessly. Are they really that jokingly in the way u put it? Even when i do suan people i admit, i know my own limits, and i know where is the line where u shld stop. Once or twice is okie. But as it gets on more frequently in ur eardrums. u start to think if they do mean it in the first place? I mean criticisms are good for a persons self improvement. But do you really say it in front of the person explicitly without bothering how he or she would feel about it?

Comparation often takes place when even if it doesnt really bother you. What in your words do u define the word gentleman? Nellie said that even small gestures actually touch the hearts of girls. And they appreciate that. But do they? In the sense of gentleman, does he listens to the commands of the women, or he responds to them willingly. I am sure at the rate i am putting the plates back for everyone else, people take me for granted. At the rate i am lending tissue to everyone else, I am going to order in bulk from the mart to cater to everyone. And once i stop in my small little actions, i am selfish, useless, loser or even gay so as to speak. Then whats there to serve them willingly when ur actions are not appreciated by others? And yet the main point is pplr take YOU for granted. Then, why the kindness? Why cant u be like other guys where they have the backbone and insist that these small actions are not to be asked for. For example, tissue paper. I know this is a very controversial topic to talk about. But seriously, if borrowing a piece of tissue everyday is so simple, then why cant people be more responsible enuff to bring their own? yes a packet of tissue u can buy them back easily, but taking people for granted just let the person feel u are using he or she just for the thing u want. The feeling really sucks u know. Giving tissue i am willing, but not an everyday thing as if i am the tissue man. I have my own needs to take care of okie. I know u dont care about me, but i care about having a tissue to cover my ass. And i am not toking abt those hu borrow tissue from me, i just hate people hu give me attitude if i am a lil particular. Being particular has ntg wrong rite.

Siying wondered if i wld crack one day. Truth is i know i wld. Problem is i dunno at whom and i dunno how. In the past, i cracked by showing my flare and doing things that will have major repercussions wifout giving a damn. My close frens in the past wld know that unless i am really infuriated, i tolerate as much as i can. As much as it might seem so unfair and even when the other people agrees that its mean to even say or do that to me. But that is to the guys. What about the girls? It wld be so ungentleman to retaliate, or even shout back at them. Cz u are a guy and they are the girls. Then the same thing comes back again. Things are again taken for granted. Words dat seem like a joke dont really seem like it especially when u hear it again and again. Even the tone plays an important role in the sentence. I dont understand why people think i am serious in my words when i am having a monkey face with a tone that even my mom wldnt believe. And why the whole gang of people together put straight at u wif that face with words that are jokes? how am i supposed to comprehend such actions? How am i supposed to differentiate which are my true frens and really have my interests at heart and how the others are being frens wif me and maybe using the opportunity to vent their frustrations on me thinking that i am one easy prey? Tell me. Do you do that to people hu showed their tolerance level right at the start and that they are not people to be trifled wif? If not, then tell me, i will show you where u stand. Then when u get fucked up straight in the face, dont even bother giving excuses to cover ur ass.

Everyone is human. U probably didnt step into my type of shoes b4. Thats why life is so smooth and easy for you. U probably had too much of this kinda people cleaning your backside after u shit and calling them ugly and smelly and useless while they slog their lives for u.

Probably why i hvnt crack yet is partly becz of my faithful blog whom i know nver takes me for granted.

I am really not kidding. I really kill when i am fucked up.

{/11:27 PM}

Time's up.