This is so long awaited.

This page is gonna take 1hr of your time to read and 123084718947108964706 hrs to type. I just had to summarise my life.

Well, a picture says a thousand words.

Mom brought out some old school magazines from montfort junior, catholic high, while i went to clear up my messy cupboard, and rummaged some photos of cath high, SA, 1st 3 mths, BMT. Really, when i looked through all the photos, i realised i had so much fun, or nearly cried out loud at times, or even taken a knife to kill someone.

I even salvaged this neoprint i took with this girl, whom i wonder if she still remembers me, honestly not, cos she wont really care cos i sorta offended her that time, unknowingly, and after a long time out of contact, shes just a celebrity. I am just typing nonsense cos everything that comes in my mind, i am writing it down. Really, shes the hottest stuff in town. I remember the times during some drama thing when we met up. Woohoo, and i took the neoprint with her just to spite one of my then classmates cos he liked her lol. I mean c'mon, what was i thinking that time. I remember the npcc seniors were all like WTF YOU KNOW HER, cos she was the sis of some even senior senior. Haha now i type this i cant help but smile to myself. Those were the times we actually lied to my friend that i was her bF. Best friend but he took it as you know what.

The times are gone now.

Hands up if you still use friendster. I just logged in haha. I mean i do log in once in while. Just for fun. Once every 6 months?

If u ever look back to the first testimonial, everyone really WROTE a testimonial for each other, praising each other like ThIs, CApS uP aNd DoWn, with smileys, LOLX, whatsover. Then slowly it turned to one sentences of conversation, as we can see evidently in the context of facebook. Those were the interesting comments, and you cant help but smile to yourself, really do they mean that? Everyone was so innocent and childish. The 13 14 year olds with no obligations.

We are 20 now. The times are gone now.

If you look back to your testimonials, you would realise, really, how many friends you have lost. I would have wanted to keep with contact with them, but god knows i didnt. The grand hyatt SA senior, reuben chia, weiting's ridiculous testimonials haha, the hangout buddy jonny whom dont know why became abit emo after he grad from cath high, yuankai the bro whom took care of me in drama camp, the chung cheng group omg who can forget them, huimin, jeff, ALVYN, and if i continue to type i am going to sleep next week.

The times when you can really just ignore your studies just a lil and have a bit of MORE fun. Sometimes i do regret it when i look at my physics and chem results of OlVl. C6 and D7 leh WTF. I could have spent more of my energy there. No A1 also, 6A2s wa lau. knn. At least i still went SA. Abit of too much fun, but was it really worth it? Fond memories, yes, and i now have a problem answering people why i havent got a place in university.

The times are gone, for now. Heres what i plan to do. IF i can get into NIE and teach PE as my subject, or get into sports science supposedly, i would go NTU. Then i would become a teacher and drive a mazda hopefully. IF i can get into SMU social science, I would become a policeman, and drive a QX everywhere, for sure. IF i would get into SIM economics, I dunno what i will do for sure, but then at least i know this is no joke this time around. Cos SIM means my parents have to pay more for it, and no more ignore a lil for a BIT more of fun. I really hope i have the determination to stop playing so much.

I dont let people see my archives cos i reserve them for myself. But if u are an avid reader or u know me really well, you would know i play arcade, abit too much. I could have spent the money so wisely somewhere else. I know i am contradicting myself now cos i know i know i know, i wld go and play once i have the chance. I mean i nearly spent almost every bit in my savings already, and people like kok can have $--_--- amount in his bank! Not a smiley on purpose, figure out the no. of digits yourself.

My thoughts are so incoherent now. I just went to watch legion with wilson and danny just now. He not my primary 2 classmate, friend of a decade plus lor. He just told me smtg i dont remember but he did, saying first day he damn scared cos he thot i ah beng. I ACTUALLY TOLD HIM THAT, i go on fights outside wan. WTF!? at the age of primary 2 i was already carat trained?

I have so many love-hate relationships with my friends. Danny and Benedict is the most obvious ones. I remember we were still quite close in primary school, and we still hung out as good friends. REALLY, you all didnt know how stuck up you were in secondary school. Hah, ben would kick my water bottle around and do irritating things. Danny would hang out with the soccer "zai" people around, and they are super stuck up. All i know is, my fractured arm 3 times, 2 times got danny, 3 times got benn. And the 2nd time is danny cause summore. I dont know whether to love such a person, but i certainly think such grudges are lame. I am destined to break 3 times. Really. My parents dont know all 3 times what are the real reasons, cos i dont want them to be angry with them over something like this. No one wanted this to happen. I fabricated all 3 stories. Dont even talk abt gan, cos when he was my BMT bed buddy, i was like wtf cos i didnt really had good impression of him in secondary school. Then 1st few weeks if you didnt know, you gave me hell with your comments, like facial abuse and abt my height etc. But it all changed during field camp, like it went lesser, we had to do things together, and chionged also. We became closer and were actually quite sad we had to leave each other for other units. Then he went OCS and i went shit soldier. After he graduated he came to my unit and became my PC holy. Did lots of stuff, hang out, and now he even tries to psycho me to go ntu so we can bunk together. Hows that change of events i dont know, but what i know is, its a good friend gained.

I confess, my paternal grandma wanted to punish me in her death. I wasnt really close to her cos at that time she couldnt really talk already, her movement was slow, and there was no communication at all. I felt more irritated when i had to go my aunts hse, where they were living together, cos there was absolutely nothing to do there. Even at her death, i really didnt want to go for the funeral, and i rather spent time at home sleeping. My father would kill me if he saw me confess all this shit, but then, this is my revelation night so i dont care less, whats more i receive my punishment. Yes, i rather go play arcade then go earlier for the wake of my grandma. 2 mths later, i broke my arm for the 3rd time. Coincidence? I find it as deserved.

I dont care how you people view me. No one is a devil in heart, and no one is born an angel. I had my foolish moments, and i brought it to myself. I didnt study as hard while playing as hard. I mean benn can get 5As, Danny can get 4As, other people can get AABs, and other decent results. But all i have is 2As, and DED. Now i think back, it is all too late.

A line in the legion said when the hookman told tyrese gibson.

"My father once told me before i slept, if you were never wake up the next day and die in your sleep, make sure you sleep forever knowing you did proud of yourself. If not, you better buck up"

Something like that, but then i can say now is, I need to buck up.

Legion that crap movie also taught some sense huh.

My relationships hadnt been good as well. Really, i shldnt have let my heart do the talking and let the brain do it. Maybe i wld have done abit better in As and Os. The peeps know which are the good memories and which are the bad ones. All i can say is, i ended almost everyone with good memories, and friends, but all but one. You know, that pain is really too much to take. That i simply cant put myself in front of her and talk to her. I rather die.

Dont talk abt it.

So what has the cheerleading peeps been doing? The seniors like KJ, law, coach chaang, the juniors like alicia jiawen melvin, and the dropouts like willocq and kim haha. The great times.

I am tired i cant think of anymore shit to type. End of part 1. If this is what u call random, welcome to asylummaniac.

{/12:23 AM}

Time's up.

I know no one is going to see this. And she wont see it as well.

But this day always come to pop my mind cos its so close to the new year.

But nevertheless, happy birthday kate.







Hien will at least save me for abstaining one month of alcohol.

{/9:41 PM}

Time's up.

Long time no see.

Since everyone is doing it, i shall do it, for a reminder for myself, and a self reflection.

2010 resolutions

1. Settle down and start to think about the future.
2. Stop having the rotting attitude since enlisted to army.
3. Be more independent.
4. Cut down, if possible, TOTALLY on drinking.
5. Train on the abs, run more.
6. Stop disappointing expectations of academic results.
7. Save some money.

We should not have too many resolutions. Otherwise it would be like what loong loong said, haha, that his 2010 resolutions is to complete his 2009 resolutions.

Lets have something else. I received very few well wishes from peeps this year, which is good and bad. Good means i wont kena spam, bad means i have lost quite abit of my frens. Lol still remember the past when u will spam those chinese msgs to humour yourself during secondary school.

But i did receive from coco, and i need to blog it out before i delete his msg from my fone. Its too epic, typical coco.

"Happy new year to you cockroachs. Say goodbye to 2009 and a big hello to welcome 2010. 2 more years to the end of the world so have fun and treasure your time. Best wishes."

Lets share my 2009 regrets as well.

1. Below par performance for Alevels.
2. Didnt get into SSLC.
3. Lost contact and couldnt be bothered to keep up with friends.
4. Should have tried to retake GP.
5. Alcoholic.
6. Fish-ed
7. Could have done better as a role as QRF IC and speak out for the men more.
8. Spendthrift.

Lets share my 2009 achievements, which i am proud i did.

1. Cleared TP with 2 pts.
2. Gotten my hard-earned CFC
3. Played a part of the epic SS and navy tussle.
4. Got 2 As in Alevels, but it was the only pride.
5. Got silver for both ippt windows and swim test, couldnt get gold, but it was still not too bad
6. Not really an achievement, but friendships with danny and benn still on-going, and thats a friendship that lasted almost a decade.
7. Hiong me martell and its no kick, haha damn act.

Basically 2009 just let me rot all the way, till i reached my ord year of 2010.

2010 would be better, i hope, i can see, and really like what chaang says on his msn nick, the harder you work, the luckier u get. Work towards that phrase and i dont see how worse it can be than the rest of the years.

{/12:17 PM}

Time's up.

I am only 160cm.
I have lots of pockmarks on the face.
I have crooked teeth.
I have carrot calves.
I enter circuit 7-8 times and hvnt master yet.
I dont save any money every month.
I dont have self control.
I can only get silver for ippt.
I can only get silver for the swimming proficiency.
I dont have any university place yet.
I failed the SMU econs interview twice.
I have below than average olevel results.
I have below than average Alevel results.
I play arcade alone in my free time.

I dont know what i am good at, at all.
I suck.
period.

{/8:03 PM}

Time's up.

Its time i got a grip of myself.

and stop going downwards.

{/1:35 PM}

Time's up.

Actually i thot to myself. If i can tolerate myself to the likes of shaun how and boon kiat last time, why cant i be more tolerant to my own parents.

Fighting.

It was my birthday on saturday. Didnt really looked forward to it because it was just another day on my calendar. My family dont celebrate birthdays so yeah. Went out with the cds peeps to watch jennifer's body. Holy shit when megan fox unzipped the jacket. AND HOLY CRAP when she burped while devouring the chicken.

Totally.
Scared. The. Crap. Out. Of. Me

The show was queer with a funny goth noob and cheesy lines. Overall watch it for the entertainment, not the story, and buy the dvd.

Then we went timbre to chill. Thanks lor, they nearly brought me up the stage. But i flatly declined haha. Then they dedicate the song for me lor. The "rootfellas?" said my name lor. You know the name huan song gave me lor. Then they were like stunned, and they kept cheering haha. knn.

Rootfellas? are fucking good. Totally had a great night. Then we went on a beer feast. Holy. Kilkenny isnt that nice, abit rough. Erdinger is smooth, but expensive. Worse is the heineken. Gan couldnt take it and vomited on the table muahaha. Damn random when he did that.

They treated me to a waterfall. Damn shiok sia, they off all the lights and then put the flame on the alcohol then i pia. I drink drink drink until i couldnt suck anything alr. Then they said "EH FINISH LEH FINISH!" I told them no more already, until then i realise the straw had melted because of the flame.

Waterfall is strong. One made me quite seh, plus one pint of kilkenny, 2 pints of heineken beer, but i was still quite sober. Rocks. Went out and saw this guy totally wasted and had to be carried by his fren to the car. Noobcake.

And fergie shld just stop blaming the refs. Man u this season really, quite chui. They cant beat their rivals at all.

{/11:58 AM}

Time's up.

U know i have had it enough with the 2 oldies at home.

Everytime i try to control my emotions, they always force me to the bitter end.

KNN.

They they they they always say when parents care, they nag alot, nag here nag there. Yes yes yes, try putting yourself in my shoes when they nag 24/7. The incessant nagging, with those ridiculous comments. You know i shldnt put it in heart, but then its sometimes so ridiculous.

I just went to take my charger from my bag. And i had to put my fone in my pocket, forgetting my home comfort trousers had a hole in my right pocket, unwittingly, the fone dropped right out of the pocket. Then the fone dropped obviously. The next thing you know, you are being bombarded by what the fuck comments for 20 minutes. Things like being irresponsible, why would you put ur fone in your pocket, why your pocket got no hole you dont know, next time fone spoil wont buy for you. AND FOR 20 MINUTES. Knn. ridiculous. So obviously i tried to explain, and then i got so frustrated cos they just keep coming back with more ridiculous comments, so i raised my volume. Really. Then things like 'feed you until so big then dont know how to think', rude etc. LIKE WTH.

WOULD YOUR PARENTS SAY THIS KINDA THING TO YOU?

Everytime you know. Fed up. Then you know army or CDS is fucked up cos we are 7 days. We cant really do much during our free time, i cant go and work part time, and my mom keep saying i shld have went to retake GP cos her auntie friends son went to retake and why didnt i. You know that kind of typical auntie, referring to my mom. I didnt went to retake for my grade cos i dont know if i wld be able to do it better, since i wont be having much practice, now that i am not in school anymore. Then COMPARING other people whom are obviously girls, the typical auntie like mom will start saying woah how good how clever other people are, and next time they will earn big bucks. Then when i sit at the com the whole day during my rest week they will say i am USELESS never go and study.

I mean i hvnt even ord yet, and i am still obliged to SAF. I cant even go and teach tuition cos of the irregular bookouts. Who dont want to earn big bucks now. People think of relaxing at home after ord, ord trips here and there. I think about what job to take after ord so i can earn and spend my own money, being independent. I think abt what uni to go, and worrying everyday. But then really, i cant really do much now. Some of my friends are into MLM, but then who trusts MLM these days, and if i want to go into an automobile biz like my friend, a small one, i would also need a capital.

In whatever it is, i just want to ord and then i can dedicate some time into some job, like relief teaching. and not stay at home SO THAT THEY CAN SHUT THE TRAP!

They always say respect the oldies, respect this respect that. I have had enough when they start comparing, giaoing irrelevant peanut-like matters.

My 20th birthday was just yesterday, i dont belive i am still receiving that nagging trap. I hope my cousin read this and enlighten me, maybe i am too worked out over it, but for 20 years it had been like this. The incessant nagging, you know really stresses people out.

You can really go crazy you know.

I dont even feel like blogging abt my birthday getaway at timbre with jennifer's body. Thats how pissed i am. They dont have any respect towards me being 20 anyway.

{/12:45 PM}

Time's up.

DAMN GIRL!

At first i thot this song not nice, but after awhile, its damn rocks. Especially when akon says DAMN GIRL!, i have so much feel in it.

DAMN GIRL!

I shld say GIRL(s). SNSD fever is still raging. Spread the love people. Love sunny, love seohyun, love yoona, love yuri, love hyoyeon, love tiffany, love jessica. love sooyoung.

Fri was BBQ at east coast for some cohesion. The thingys they cook was damn shiok, cos i was in charge of some jizzing fanning of the charcoal, so i let them go and cook for me. There was supposedly $1000 worth of food, and i am not lying. Its for at least i think, 40plus people. Crowding one bbq pit, and i am not saying 40plus people. Its 40plus hungry ghosts. There was fish, beef, chicken wings, susages, otahs, stingrays, crabmeat, sotong, prawns and 200plus cans worth of drinks. Tell me you are not full after that. Cook until the prawns wa lau. damn mad.

After that was david's first time drinking with us. HAHA, he said he cannot return home red face cos his parents will scold. AND GUESS WHAT COCO SAID. COCO stands for coeus, not a girl but a guy.

'Go home, pull down your pants. Tell your mummy, see here got hair right, there can already'

HAHA. Damn funny. To all people who are still feeling constrained by their parents, this is the best line to say! haha

Saturday was ntg much, i forgot what did i do. OH! went to bugis to check out some KOF moves, and as usual, the moves are still dazzling there. AND OH. Talk about the games, they are getting better and better. Imagine yourself in an enclosed console with a big screen surrounding you. You are sitting down and their are some hand controls in front of you. There you have, you are now a gundam driver. I TELL YOU THE CONSOLE IS SIMPLY AMAZING. I never play it cos its in jap, but its too cool to be true.

Then sunday went to drink and watch the liverpool match. I say liverpool match cos we lost terribly. And really manU didnt show up for the match. Hai, and torres was simply unbelievable again. Such a tight angle also can score with pressure.

And that day was 3 pax one bottle, drink until i tell you. The next day went ECP to run 4km. At first still can tahan, but later the chest pain sia haha. Super tight, like super junior. Luckily never die.

Sunday also got play mahjong. Lost 1 dollar. I hai di lao yue sia. NEVER B4 first time, damn shiok. Summore half colour. In the end also 4 tai nia. In the end also lose 1 dollar.

Yesterday went out tih danny, jinx, yijie, and their friend fahrun. I tell you, the mind games, the bitching, the truths. Damn shiok. It was some good hangout. haha. After that we went home, and then i and danny was approaced by the banking people. As usual, always try to friend u, do survey, talk about how much u spend, how much u can save with them and ear interest, and then leave contact no., dont rush you, contact you again. I knew what was gonna happen, at first i wanted to just zao, then danny stayed and talked longer, so i just stayed and do the survey to amuse myself also.

But then that was not the point. The person, i dunno why, got the ideal type feeling you know haha. The small eyes and fat cheeks. And then i just started to sweat for fun. Like wth, couldnt control myself. But really i dunno why, its like hard for me to be so close to my ideal type. HAHA! But then i dont really care. After calming myself, let them do their job for presentation, and then thats it. And the person introduced herself as 'honey'. Yes i gave the HUH look. Her name is not honey, but some other spelling. U want to know, msg me so that i can keep your no. cos i lost everyones.

And shes calling me back 2 week later, ya ya ya. Honey. Cheap thrill. But then i am just gonna disappoint her. Yup, even though i did give some thought, but what danny said was right abt why it wasnt good and how i can manage my own finance better. Not that i dont know, but i just need to start cultivating that habit of saving, like smaller times, when you put the coins into the piggy bank and shake everyday.

I am quite shagged out. Plt 2 like happen alot of shit. Hope it dont happen to us. I want to ORD without a stain. And hopefully, like what i always fear and hope, to get a place in uni, to get a job during the break after ord, and then life goes on.

{/9:40 PM}

Time's up.

Yes i have been out of action for quite awhile. Well, then people wont be so bored of me everytime posting emo stuff rite?

{/12:06 PM}

Time's up.

Its good to come back once a while after long periods. Then people will forget about this place, this person and soon the memory would cease to exist.

How many people still do active blogging nowadays? Hard to name even a few, and as we grow older (i am still 19 songboh), it is harder to make people like us to sit down and pen down the trivialities of life.

Its gonna be time for me to hand down my appointment soon, and hell it was for 3-4 mths. Taking charge, making sure the newer batches did their job well, while making sure i didnt disappoint in my own standards, in which sadly i did sometimes.

The ord syndrome is a terrible disease.

It was a good experience, and so much for all the waking ups to plan extra deployments, activations, and the 'verbal abuse' from the laojiaos for 'qie-ing' them haha.

Sadly and happily, it was agreed that it was time for the laojiaos to go west gate. Erm the outsiders would infer like heaven or what, but do not be misled cos west gate is really a place and not journey to the west. Enough of the cock talking but it had been great working in QRF. Some irresponsible comment of mine in the past haunted me abt saying QRF wanted me or smtg like that, but all had faded into the past. I had reached my goal, been there done that, and hopefully the newer batches will have the same motivation i had, and do a good job, not for the unit(goddamn it sumtimes), not for the RSN personnel(goddamn it everytime, not the DOs, not the BOS, not the contractors), but for yourself. Your own pride and honour, and thanks to it, i learnt alot from my course of duty,

I talk like i am gonna ord the next day, but sadly 5 more months.

And that would be at least 15 more sessions, or more, of alchohol binging.

I thought i would never ever touch martell when i first took a whiff of it at grand hyatt. And now, i drink it more than water. It was just pure fun at first, nothing sinful, and everyone spend a great night chilling out, to what most people think is horrifying,

hardcore techno.

Bros over hoes, hoes over bros. The same line over again.

It's a sin i hope to pull myself away from, but the evil is an endless blackhole. And the sad thing is, we are humans.

Its like a real life documentary, with all the vice everywhere. Booze, pills, women, frenching and fondling everywhere, the tikos, the trannys. Whatever u can name, u have it. No no no, we dont fall under the category. Morally we are still right, but its just a great place to chill, for which place provides free entertainment. Bad for the eyes, ears, lungs, and liver, but it was an eyeopener.

I just wanted to know more, learn abt the culture, been there done that. Bad boy bad boy i guess haha. Every man has its past. And there u learn everyone start off as a simple human being.

Just there to earn whats enough to feed their families and themselves.

I feel sad for the people there sometimes, and so much so, she is taking advantage of my kindness, i feel, just a little bit. She was a great talker, great linguistic skills, great personality, great drinking mate, and an aura that attracts. Sometimes, it just feels right, but sometimes it just dont. Its the biggest current dilemna, and often makes me think quite abit.

Isit all worth it? there are no strings attached, it was just a simple night job. Maybe i am looking abit more to it, but i know i am always wrong. There are still somethings that i wish to know generally, just for my knowledge, and i know only she can provide me with it. Theres no one else i can click better with, so far, and time isnt much left.

I dont go for the meat, it wasnt my aim in the first place.

But, I am just so blinded. Stupid fool.

{/6:01 PM}

Time's up.